8th September
"For things to change I must change"
For the last year, if not longer, i've being dealing and suffering with something. I have a eating disorder and I hate it. I've always struggled with food. I've weighed more, then I weighed less, then I weighed too little. Now my eating habits are out of control. I binge eat, I obssess with food and it dominates most of my thoughts, but yet, I can't find a way out of it.
I have to fight it, deal with it and overcome it or i'll end up somewhere I don't want too be.
I started on Sunday and suceeded that day, monday tuesday, and wednesday. I never touched any kind of bad food, and I felt proud of myself. Today was not so great and I want to make a reminder to myself of how awful I feel after. I've put so much effort into those 4 days, and to feel like I've just wasted that effort.. it's just a rubbish feeling. I feel so stupid about it. Pathetic.
I will try and focus on how well i've been doing. I can't remember the last time I never did one of my habits for a even just a day, so the fact I managed 4 whole days is a big step. I need to take that thought with me into tomorrow and make it a better day.
I have to fight it, deal with it and overcome it or i'll end up somewhere I don't want too be.
I started on Sunday and suceeded that day, monday tuesday, and wednesday. I never touched any kind of bad food, and I felt proud of myself. Today was not so great and I want to make a reminder to myself of how awful I feel after. I've put so much effort into those 4 days, and to feel like I've just wasted that effort.. it's just a rubbish feeling. I feel so stupid about it. Pathetic.
I will try and focus on how well i've been doing. I can't remember the last time I never did one of my habits for a even just a day, so the fact I managed 4 whole days is a big step. I need to take that thought with me into tomorrow and make it a better day.
